Legal recognition of our relationship has evolved
dramatically in the nearly 5 years Tiff and I have been together. We started
dating back in December 2008 after being close friends for a few years prior.
When we first started dating, I don’t think either of us had any idea that this
would be it, and we would be spending our lives together. Honestly, I think our
strong friendship is the biggest reason why our relationship has been (and
hopefully will continue to be) so successful. It was initially challenging for
me to make the mental switch from viewing Tiff as a friend, to viewing her as
my partner.
Initially our relationship was mostly long distance as I
lived in Bellingham, WA while I attended graduate school and Tiff lived in
Seattle. We were able to spend every weekend together, so we were very
fortunate. After about 7 months of dating, we u-hauled and I moved in with Tiff
and her three cats and dog. A little over a year later, Tiff decided to chase
one of her life goals by applying to graduate school. Ironically, Tiff was
accepted into the same school I had graduated from! She ended up renting a room
in Bellingham with a friend of mine, where she stayed during the week. During
this time, we had many serious, but wonderfully uplifting, talks about what we
expected out of marriage and started to hypothetically consider it.
This is what Tiff had to say about our engagement:
“We had been looking at
rings and talking about marriage for quite some time off and on, but not
seriously. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was becoming a
reality. I took Hannah’s best friend shopping with me to help me decide on a
ring even though I had a good idea of what I was looking for. It was at this
time that I found out Hannah’s other best friend would be on spring break in
March so there was a possibility she could come into town for the event. I
coordinated everything around her schedule and managed to have a group of our
closest friends waiting for us at Tutta Bella in Wallingford after the
proposal. When Hannah returned from a rugby match I told her we were going to
hang out at the beach but that I also had dinner reservations so we couldn’t be
late. We walked around Golden Gardens
Park and I looked for the perfect spot to propose. Finally after what seemed
like forever, I found a place where there were few people. We sat looking at
the water when I asked if she could imagine herself here doing the same thing
in 10 years. She replied, “yes but it would be a little louder,” insinuating
that a baby would also be with us. I replied, “What, are they putting in an
airport?” She laughed and told me I was
crazy. It was at this point that I told her, “ok then first things first” and I
got down on one knee and asked if she would marry me. She immediately began
crying and smiling and of course said yes. I gave her the ring and she kissed
me. Unfortunately we didn’t have much time to stay so we headed to our dinner
reservation where 25 people were waiting for an unsuspecting Hannah. She was
completely taken aback with friends and we celebrated through the evening with
good food, wine, and friends.”
I had a good idea the
proposal was coming, since Tiff is a terrible liar (a quality I highly value in
her). I was expecting something big to happen immediately after I got home from
my rugby game, so I was absolutely crushed to come home to a perfectly ordinary
house. I tried to convince myself that it would still happen later, but I
ultimately ended up thinking I had misunderstood her not so sneaky behavior.
When we were at Golden Gardens Park, she started acting funny, and I got my
hopes up. It took all I had to act normally. The proposal was perfectly us:
goofy, romantic, heartfelt and unrehearsed. I wouldn’t change a thing.
I thought the surprises were
over at that point, but she really got me with the surprise engagement party! I
still can’t believe she put all of that together. It meant so much to see all
of our friends there, especially my friend from out of state. Rather than just
having the moment fly by, we ended up being able to celebrate our engagement
all weekend.
After Tiff’s amazing proposal we again had the weekends
together, and I would often drive up to Bellingham once during the week. With
all the driving that we both were doing, we started to consider what would
happen if one of us had an accident. We realized that there was no way the
other person would be notified, a devastating thought. This led us to file the
paperwork for our state recognized domestic partnership on February 15th,
2011. At that point, we already had our wedding scheduled for August 21st,
2011. Our families were both very upset with us for not waiting, though they
were placated a bit when we informed them that we quite literally went to the
least romantic place on earth: the DMV. Strangely, that was the best option for
us to find a notary.
Our wedding ceremony was wonderful in so many ways, though
it was not legally recognized at the time.
In Washington state, with the passing of Referendum 74, we
were able to apply for a marriage license and get legally married (only in WA)
on December 15th, 2012.
As of the DOMA ruling from the SCOTUS on June 26th,
2013 we are recognized in all the states that have equal marriage, and have
federal rights even in states that don’t recognize our relationship!
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